Targeted Post

*DISCLAIMER:  This post was written with a specific late night transcontinental telephone conversation in mind.  To most casual readers, it will probably read like gibberish.  But I know she will understand.” Back in the depths of a mind diseased with decay, the mouldering pandemonium runs rampant in the shadow of a plague.  The uncertainty suffocates and sequesters, squeezing tight the headache raging inside a freshly infected mind. Time becomes infinitely impotent within the confines of a socially mandated internment.  Empty hours simply squandered as the clock runs dry, leaving precious little room for the drunken thief to successfully steal more. Surrounded by an imperfect darkness, only a temporary security survives.  Soon the sun will rise, setting free the fresh demon of a new day dawning.  Just …

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Tsunami

Sometimes, you just can’t fix things. Sometimes, the enormity of your stupidity outweighs any possibilities for meaningful reconciliation.  Despite any efforts made, or desires still held inside a broken heart willing to repair the damage, you still just end up drowning in the ashes of a temporary kingdom built on selfishness, a world burnt to the ground and justifiably ostracized in its underlying failings. And it’s so easy to point fingers and to share the blame.  But that’s the coward’s way and while I may represent a great many unpleasant and flawed characteristics, being a coward has never been one of them. I have hurt a lot of people in my life, through my stubbornness and inflexibility.  I have often used my words as targeted weapons, …

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There’s Revolution in the Air

It was never supposed to be this way. But then, I have been neither eloquent, nor succinct enough, to ever realistically expect anything different. I have instead reached teasingly for lyrical cadences carefully measured to hide behind and designed to build the rhythm to pull out the emotions in a crowd of hesitant confusion, like ripping a festering splinter from an overworked intellect quickly crumbling. I have fought exhaustingly the blankness of the page, mirroring back the blankness of my soul, desperate to write into creation the successful life I was discouragingly unable to find in the outside world, just so that I would have something that I could actually call my own.  Even if it was only for just a few pages more. I have …

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Where There’s Smoke, I Am On Fire

I wanted desperately to believe her all through another catastrophically dark night of the soul, cutting jaggedly across a continent that I confess I no longer fully understand. I held a dispassionately slipping white-knuckled grip upon late-night promises hastily made in the midst of well-intentioned temporary empathy, even though I feared the very real risk of inevitable reignition because I had been left burning before. And I knew just how much it was going to fucking hurt. First, I was consumed in the flames of the bridges left behind as the conflagration caught hold and raced unobstructed through the tinders of my misunderstood heart, purging the possibility of structural integrity as my world collapsed all around me, leaving behind the undeniable realization that it was my …

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Accountability 1.0

It was always a mistake. Even from the very beginning, the sinfully unstable foundations of that initial connection were already cancerous and mortally flawed.  But when viewed through the lens of uniquely untrue promises and seductively whispered lies, I just could not see it at the time.  And that blindness nearly killed me in the staggering cost of a final tally made amongst boxes haphazardly packed and in the spaces in the web cleared to lure the next unsuspecting victim into the sultry trap of her beguiling deceit. I tried desperately to believe in a fantasy storyline that just was not there.  I naively struggled to build that parabolic castle on the shifting sands of her tumultuous desires, always changing and turning unpredictably in the currents …

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